Stories by @thedispearing

The Ultimate Disaster Flick

Oh, how we miss them. Though the days of a movie like Independence Day uniting everyone may seem like a halcyon dream now, it wasn't unrealistic all that long ago. Though a post-COVID world has made disaster flicks obsolete, let's recollect the age of Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, and 2012, and most importantly, let's make fun of it.

Sideways (2024)

Sideways, twenty years later.

Heat (2025)

A remake of Michael Mann's Heat, 30 years later.

Back to the Future (2015)

A remake of Back To The Future, where Marty travels back to 1995, when his parents are in college.

Night in the Woods

An adaptation of the 2017 adventure video game of the same name. Thankfully, no Edgar Wright involved.

Chicken Little (2025)

What's interesting about Chicken Little is that it had an element of Hollywood satire in it that was forgotten by most. Let's amp that up. Here's the synopsis: Chicken Little is a small but well-liked high-school senior, when on the night of his high-school prom, he warns the sky is falling, causing a massive car pile-up, and countless injuries. Killing his social reputation and facing multi-million dollar lawsuits, the Cluck family sell the rights to Chicken Little's experiences to a sly Hollywood producer to keep their livelihoods. Cut to one year later: Chicken Little's life is ruined, every college he applied to has revoked his acceptance and he's now stuck at home with his single mother working at a convenience store. However, that movie about the "sky is falling" incident has been fast-tracked and the film's star Ramy Youssef has come into town to do a PR stunt where he lives with the Clucks during the film's promotion. But when Chicken Little gets that paranoid feeling again, his heart sinks. Still, how could his life get any worse?

& Juliet

An adaptation of the Broadway musical with Max Martin songs retelling of Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. Note: This is a joke!

The Ultimate Faded Glory Sports Movie

Sports! Everybody loves sports! That's a Parnabus Jackson quote right there. Anyways, sports films aren't exactly known for breaking the mold all that much, which makes them pretty easy to lampoon. From the semi-attractive douchebag main character who you just know has serious frat controversies in his background, to the young person they have to teach their "salt of the Earth" ways to, let's get crackin'!

X-Men (2000)

What if Michael Jackson's attempt to play Professor X in a X-Men film succeeded (yes, that actually happened)? Yes, I know this is a stupid concept.

Star Wars Liberation (2015)

After the success of his 2012 remake of the original Star Wars, J. J. Abrams was given much greater creative freedom with the sequel by George Lucas, on the condition he wrapped up the story in the second film due to the fact George was getting too old. George would not be all that happy with the final result though. Also, no colon, like the Star Trek remakes.

Only Yesterday

A western adaptation of Only Yesterday, focusing on Tara Oakley, a workaholic living in Los Angeles, visiting her relatives in the Midwest, while reminiscing on her life at ten.

The Ultimate Space-Set Sci-Fi Adventure

Space: the final frontier for cashgrabs and inspiring over-the-top parasocial nerdery! Since 1966/1977 (pick your poison), Hollywood studios have been pumping out these things, to iffy success among the general public, and strange adulation among online communities (but let's be real here, mostly Redditors). So, 15-year-old reality haters, clench your cheeks for an adventure that definitely won't condemn you to permanent virginity!

Star Wars (2012)

Remember when Mike Stoklasa suggested that J. J. Abrams would be a good director for Star Wars in a Half in the Bag? And then walked it back in the ROS Half in the Bag? Well, what if George Lucas liked the idea so much, he decided not to sell Star Wars, and asked J. J. to make a new Star Wars movie in 2012?

The Spider

A Dark Knight Trilogy style version of the Spider-Man mythos.

The Ultimate High Fantasy Epic

Who doesn't love classic high fantasy?! Races cloned from Tolkien (god forbid fantasy writers fantasize), not a person-of-color in sight, classic misogyny, what a dream! So, clench your cheeks 15-year-old reality-haters, for the adventure of a lifetime (that definitely isn't derivative of a million other things, shut up, shut up, shut up).

The Curious Case Benjamin Button (1988)

What if the 1980s comedy version of the Curious Case of Benjamin Button was actually made, starring Martin Short and directed by Frank Oz?

Zathura

A contemporary video game adaptation of "Zathura", stylized as an "Until Dawn" style interactive drama. Focusing on young adults at a house party playing the game, and the resulting consequences. The players are James and Tim.

Princess Mononoke (2015)

A western remake of Hayao Miyazaki's Princess Mononoke, in 2015.

The Shadow Club (1997)

An adaptation of Neal Shusterman's 1988 novel of the same name. However, rather than a club of second-bests, the Shadow Club is a group of outcast high-school students who plot elaborate revenges on the most popular kids in school, skirting the law and entering a world of adult danger and taboo in the process.

Flash Gordon (2025)

An adaptation of Flash Gordon in 2025, adapted for modern times.