12 stories
The Crow
An alternative cast for the 1994 Brandon Lee classic. As usual with all my lists, the thing I'm doing is that I'm plucking out individual actors from the ideal point in their age to play the role assigned to them here. So, if you think to yourself "He can't play _____________________, he's way too old/dead!", remember what I said, okay? Got it? Good.
The Killer (Alternative Hollywood Remake)
An alternative remake of John Woo's The Killer, but actually good. As usual with all my lists, I'm picking actors from a specific point in their career, which may not always be the present, so don't be shocked if you see an actor who's "too old" on this list. The movie's already been made anyway so this is purely for fun. Got it? Good.
Police Story (Hollywood Version)
A Hollywood remake of the 80's Jackie Chan classic, with actors plucked from any point in their careers to play the assigned role in the present.
Ninja Scroll (Hollywood version)
A Westernized, American live-action remake of the 1993 anime classic by Yoshiaki Kawajiri. As usual with all my lists, I'm grabbing actors from any point in their careers to play the role in the present i.e. a early 2000's Eric Bana can Jubei in 2024.
Don't Look Away (the good version)
The so-bad-its-good horror disasterpiece of 2023 about a killer mannequin, but if it was made by an actual competent director/actors.
Kung Fu Hustle (Hollywood Version)
A hypothetical American remake of the 2004 Stephen Chow film. As usual with all my castings, actors can be plucked from any point in their careers.
Oldboy (Alternative American Cast)
An alternative Hollywood remake cast of Park Chan-wook's South Korean classic, Oldboy. NOTE: this is just for fun, as I have no desire to see another Westernized version of the same story after Spike Lee's lackluster attempt. Also, as usual with all my lists, I'm choosing actors/filmmakers from any era at any point in their career (think as if I had a time travelling DeLorean on me).
Teen Titans: The Movie
A live-action adaptation of Teen Titans that would be part based on the comics, part based on the 2003 show, and even parts based on Teen Titans Go! and Titans in places. As usual with all my lists, the rule is that I can cast actors from any era at any point in their career as I'd like, so the fact that _____________ may be too old to play __________________ now would NOT matter, as this is just a hypothetical "What If?"
The Perfect James Bond Reboot (hypothetically)
With Daniel Craig having just hung up his tux (or more like incinerated in the flames of his fiery death), a a complete reboot of the 007 universe should be arriving in the next three to five years. These are NOT actual cast suggestions for the new series, this is just a hypothetical list of actors I'd like to get had if I had a time machine that could bring people in and out of any era to play these characters in the present. Got it? Okay? Good.
The Disaster Artist (Alternate Cast)
An alternate cast for a film adaptation of Greg Sestero's autobiography on the making of The Room, The Disaster Artist. As usual, my rule is that this is the cast I would pick if I had a time machine and could bring any actor from the distant past into the present at any point in their career to make this movie today. I would also like to note, that while I didn't hate James Franco's The Disaster Artist, I thought it was a very poor adaptation of an incredibly fascinating story, with a cast that felt as though they were chosen simply because they were homies with the director, rather than being the actual best picks for the role.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (Alternative Cast)
A theatrical film adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's had it have been someone directing it other than Tim Burton, and if I had a time travel device to bring any dead actor from the past and bring them to the present at any point in their career.
Grand Theft Auto IV: The Movie
A feature-film adaptation of the game where the filmmakers have access to time-travelling DeLoreans to bring actors out of any time period to portray the characters in the present.
